


The journey of several lifetimes

by Teekalin



Series: The Rising of Merlin [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Merlin (TV)
Genre: Depression, Friendship/Love, Immortality, Pain, Sorrow, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-05-26 22:24:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6258130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teekalin/pseuds/Teekalin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A prequel to my story "The Rising of Merlin".<br/>It will consists of several one-shots that takes place from the end of Season five of Merlin and the beginning of my story, following Merlin during his long life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leaving Camelot

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back =D
> 
> This is the first of hopefully many One-shots that will make up this prequel, but I must warn you that the updates will be sporadic at best. All I can promise is that they will be in chronological order.
> 
> This first one-shot takes place just after Merlin set Arthur's boat adrift at the end of Season one and then up till he leaves Camelot. Basically it's a more detailed version of that paragraph I wrote in the prologue.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Not beta:ed and written in one go so I haven't proof-read it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back =D
> 
> This is the first of hopefully many One-shots that will make up this prequel, but I must warn you that the updates will be sporadic at best. All I can promise is that they will be in chronological order.
> 
> This first one-shot takes place just after Merlin set Arthur's boat adrift at the end of Season one and then up till he leaves Camelot. Basically it's a more detailed version of that paragraph I wrote in the prologue.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Not beta:ed and written in one go so I haven't proof-read it.

**Leaving Camelot**

Merlin stood by the shore of the lake, staring at the spot where the boat had disappeared into the mist. He had no idea how long he had stood there, and at some point he had actually sat down, but none of it registered in his mind. He was empty except for the crippling weight of pain. A pain so heavy it was a wonder he hadn't succumbed to it more than he already had.

"Merlin?" A soft and gentle voice vaguely registered in the back of Merlin's mind, but not enough for him to react to it. "Merlin, where's Arthur?" At the mention of his name, Merlin drew in a sharp breath and for the first time in hours, he became aware of his surroundings.

"He's gone." He had to force the words out of his dry throat. "I was too late." He said in barely a whisper, but the quietness surrounding them that early morning; for it was just at the break of dawn Merlin realised as he watched the sun rise on the other side of the lake; was low enough to carry his words to the gentle giant standing behind him.

"It wasn't your fault." Percival's hand landed softly on Merlin's shoulder, squeezing reassuringly while he sat down beside him. "I saw her body," Percival continued when Merlin didn't say anything. "There's finally peace in Camelot."

"That's what h-he said," Merlin said, his voice surprisingly steady. "He thanked me."

"You where the one that killed her." It wasn't a question, more of a statement, but Merlin nodded nonetheless.

"I blame myself for what she became." Merlin clenched his jaws in anger, not at her, but at himself. "I could have prevented this."

"What are you talking about?" Merlin glanced sideways at Percival, noticing his questioning expression.

"It's nothing," Merlin shook his head. "It doesn't matter anymore." He grunted with pain as he stretched out his legs, having lost feeling in them a long time ago.

"Let me help you," Percival stood up and then grabbed Merlin's arm so he could pull him up into a standing position.

"Thank you," Merlin held on to his large arm as the feeling slowly trickled back into his legs. "We should head back, report to Gwen." He said and took a few hesitant steps up the small hill.

"I have a horse," Percival stated, walking beside him, ready to jump in if needed.

"I don't need a horse." Merlin grunted out, rubbing at his sore legs as he reached the top.

"I wasn't asking." Percival said and walked away to the horse that stood tethered a short few paces away. "Get up, or I will throw you up." He said as he came back with the horse in tow.

Merlin mumbled something incohearable before stepping up to the horse and lifting himself up on its back. "Don't think I will let you walk all the way back." Merlin said as they began their journey to Camelot.

"We'll see." Was all Percival said and Merlin rolled his eyes at his stubbornness.

It took them two days to reach the outskirts of the city; during which Percival told him about Gwaine and Merlin told him about Arthur; and after dropping the horse back at the stables the two men walked silently up to the throne room. There they were greeted by Gwen, Gaius, and Leon.

"I'm sorry," Merlin said silently, looking down at his feet since he didn't want to see Gwen's disappointed eyes.

"It wasn't your fault." Gwen voice was so close; it startled Merlin enough to make him look up. She was standing right in front of him, and with a sob she threw her arms around him and he hesitantly wrapped his own arms around her waist and back.

"I'm sorry," Merlin said again, his own tears breaking free as Gwen's sobs grew closer together. Burrowing his head in her hair, he let go of all the pent up frustration he had felt over the last days and the two of them stood together in each other's arms until neither could produce one more tear.

It wasn't until they broke apart that Merlin noticed the absence of the other three, only he and Gwen were left in the throne room.

"Will you stay until my coronation tonight?" Gwen asked, her eyes pleading and red from the tears. "I don't think I can be alone right now."

"Of course," Merlin gave her one more hug before stepping back, his hands on her shoulders. "I will stay right here beside you." He didn't mention that his promise only extended to the coronation and not afterwards.

The two of them left for Gwen's chambers so she could get ready, and Merlin sat silently and watched by the fireplace as her maid fixed her hair and dress.

By sunset, the two left hand in hand for the Great Hall were all the knights, nobles, and other important people were gathered. Giving her one last hug, Merlin stayed by the doors while she walked up alone to the waiting Geoffrey.

He cheered when the other cheered but not without releasing one last tear at Leon's proclamation of Arthur's death.

He left before anyone could start talking to him, heading directly for his small room in Gaius's chambers. Lying down on the hard bed, he let his mind go blank, not wanting to give in to his grief again.

The next day he started packing. Gaius just looked at him with sad eyes, knowing it would be futile to try and stop him.

He was in the middle of packing his clothes when the door opened and Gwen stepped in. Without a word she sat down on the bed and patted the seat beside her. Taking in her sad eyes, Merlin sat down without a small sigh.

"Look, Gwen..." He started.

"Gaius told me about the sorcerer." She interrupted him. Merlin looked at her with wide eyes, but she refused to meet them. Instead she seemed particularly interested in a thread on his mattress. "What I wanted to say is," She took in a deep breath and looked at him. "I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?" Merlin was surprised.

"I'm mad that you kept it a secret," She admitted with a small smile. "But not for whom you are."

"I'm sorry, Gwen." He looked at her with pleading eyes. "I wanted to tell you, tell all of you, but I couldn't." He swallowed hard. "I needed to protect Arthur and I didn't know who to trust, and... it all just went out of hand."

"I understand, Merlin." She stopped his rambling with a hand on his arm. "I don't need you to explain." She smiled. "Gaius has already told me enough and the rest I don't need to know about."

Merlin was speechless; all he could was nod and give her a small smile back, or more accurately, a slight twitch off his lips.

"How long will you be gone?" She said and averted her eyes again.

"I don't know," Merlin said honestly. "All I know is that I can't stay here any more, there are too many memories."

"Where will you go?" She sniffed and Merlin put an arm around her shoulders.

"I will go to my mother first, then... I don't know." He sighed. "Travel a bit, I guess."

"And if I need to contact you?" She looked up at him, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"Just send a bird with my name on the letter and it will know where to go." He said, glad he had taken the time to create a spell for just that purpose a few years back. "I should," He said, gesturing to his unfinished bag.

"Of course," Gwen sniffed, standing up but taking his hand in her own as she did. "Is it okay if I tell Percival and Leon?"

"After I've... you know." He waved a hand around. "I don't really feel up to talk to them about it right now."

"After then," She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. She sat down again as he continued to stuff down the last of his belongings in his satchel and then she took his arm as they made their way out of his room. She let go of it then so he could give Gaius one last hug.

"Read if after I'm gone." He mumbled into the old man's ear and gave him a sealed letter. "Goodbye, Gaius. You have always been like a father to me."

"And you my son." Gaius responded and Merlin gave him one more squeeze before stepping back and letting Gwen take his arm again.

They walked in silence to the city gates, the people watching them with a mix of interest and sadness. Merlin recognised the silhouette of Percival and Leon as soon as the gate came in view and he took in a deep breath to steady himself before they reached them.

"It's been an honour knowing you, Merlin." Leon said as he stood in front of them.

"Likewise," Merlin smiled at him and both of them reach out for a hug. "Percival," Merlin nodded at the gentle giant after letting go of Leon. "I'm glad to call you my friend."

"And I'm glad to call you mine." Percival stated and gave him a bone-crushing hug.

"Don't be a stranger, Merlin." Gwen said after Percival let him go. Merlin gave her a small nod and then took a few steps back towards the gate. He gave them one last wave before turning around and walking out, not once looking back at the looming castle behind him that he had once called home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it and if you have any suggestions for historical events or places you want Merlin to visit, then let me know. I will try and bring up all the references I made in the story, but it is likely that I will forget one or two so don't me mad ;-)
> 
> I hope you have all had a great Christmas and New Years and that the rest of the week will be fantastic to quote Nine. I have fallen into quite the Doctor Who spell right now and I want so desperately to write a Rose/Eleven story but my muse stands still so you'll have to get by with this for now. I'm also trying to write a book which I have mentioned before, but It was slow for a while and I had to start over several times, but I think I'm on a good path now and after making a few edits I will soon have finished chapter 2.


	2. Give In or Give Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some major differences in this one compared to what Merlin told Morgana in chapter 'The One With the Christmas Party', as well as what he told Hermione in 'The One With the Long Conversation' when they talked about children, but take into consideration that by that time, Merlin was almost 1400 years old, his memories are due to get mixed together. And I think you'll understand why he wouldn't want to tell Morgana, or Hermione for that matter, what had really happened before he fell into the depression (Which will be in the next one-shot). Maybe he told her later one when they got together, but I doubt it. Some things are best left alone.
> 
> I was supposed to write this last week, but in the evening after I posted the first one-shot, the inspiration finally hit me for a Doctor Who story featuring Eleven/Rose. So I have spent the last two weeks writing the first two chapters of that one, and as soon as I've finished chapter three and gotten them beta:ed by my friend Sam, who is not only a native Englishman so he knows the language better than I do, but is also a whovian. He's not a fanfic reader though, but he still agreed to read it so maybe I can convert him ;)
> 
> So if you're a Rose fan, and maybe even a Eleven/Rose shipper, be sure to be on the lookout for it in the coming weeks. I think it will have the title 'No More Words' after the Westlife song, but I haven't decided yet.
> 
> Enjoy =)

**Give In or Give Up**

Leaving Camelot was both the hardest and the easiest thing Merlin had done in his life. He knew there was nothing left for him there now, not with the last of the Pendragons stuck in another realm for who knew how long. He was as good as dead to Merlin, a pain that made itself known every time he closed his eyes.

Maybe he could return in a few years when the memories weren't as fresh, but he doubted it. There were no more High Priestesses left, and the renegade druids had all died in Camlann. Camelot was at peace and his services were no longer required.

He walked towards Ealdor, not knowing where else to go at the moment.

He arrived in the middle of the night, five days after he left Camelot. It was the fastest he had ever walked there before, but he had scarcely slept. The nightmares kept him up and he used his magic to fuel himself with new energy.

His mother was happy to see him, and for the first time in over a week he slept soundly in his cot beside her bed.

He stayed for one week.

His mother cried when he left, but he felt too restless to stay any longer. He needed to keep moving, drive away the memories with distance.

He walked north until he could no longer walk any further. He visited several druid camps on his way there, always using an alias of course, asking for help with his magic. It took two years for him to reach the most northern shores, his face no longer recognisable since he had stopped shaving the moment he left Ealdor.

He also learned to speak the rough tongue of the northerners, his Welsh heritage too different for them to understand. He enjoyed it immensely, learning a new language, and he was a natural at it. After only six months he could move on from using a druid as an interpreter.

The only recognisable thing he wore was his scarf, other than that; his clothes resembled those of the northern clans. Lined with fur and leather thick enough to withstand whatever the weather threw at him.

They even managed to stop an arrow from piercing his heart once; a hunting accident, nothing more.

He stayed with the northern clans for one year before moving south again, this time following the road to the east.

It took longer to reach the white cliffs then it took to reach the north, Camelot being positioned in the middle of Albion. The druids on the east side were different from the one in the north and the west, and he learned a lot of new magic.

When he reached the south, he came across a camp that used sticks with a magical core to channel their magic. They explained it was easier for the children to learn while using them. He scoffed at the idea, refusing to test one.

He only stayed a week at that camp.

Six years after leaving Camelot, he stood at the shore looking out over the waste sea. He knew the Saxons came from somewhere over there and he was itching to cross over the seemingly endless body of water and see the land for himself.

It took him a month to find people willing enough to take him over in their ship, another two days to cross it.

It wasn't the land of the Saxons he got off at, it was the Kingdom of France, but he didn't care. He had new ground under his feet and he intended to discover as much about it as he could.

Four years he stayed there, learning yet another language, now he knew five, as well as a brand new kind of magic. They used the magic of the Old Religion, but with different spells created from a different language, and with a different attitude. Magic was never banned here and it had flourished to immeasurable lengths. Everywhere he went, people were using it. Even the royal family was known to use it for as mundane tasks as getting dressed.

At the beginning of his firth year, one year after the appointment of the new king, Childebert III, he received a letter by crow. It bore the seal of the Pendragons, and he knew without opening it that it was from Gwen.

Gaius was on his deathbed.

He packed his meagre belongings and headed north. In his pack he had several books filled with notes of the languages he had learned and the magic he had discovered. He hoped he would have time to show them to Gaius.

It was easier to catch a ride back than it had been to get there in the first place; a small trade route had been opened during the four years since he last crossed the sea.

Once on the ground of Albion he used the transportation spell to take him as far north as he could, knowing it would take too long to walk back. It took three trips until he landed in the middle of the Darkling woods, from there he walked.

He walked non-stop until he reached the gates. Luckily it was in the middle of the day and he could walk in without rousing suspicion. His long beard and hair, as well as his distinctly French clothing, was enough to make him stand out as it was.

He managed to get as far as the courtyard before he was stopped, by Sir Leon no less.

"Halt!" He stopped him with a spear on his chest, and Merlin who had walked in some sort of trance looked up at the man that dare stop him, a tetchy retort on his tongue. But when he took in the ginger beard and hair, he closed his mouth with a snap.

"Leon?" He asked, frowning. It had been so long since he had used the Celtic tongue, and he struggled to find the right words.

"State your name and intention." Leon continued, unaware of the inner struggles of the man before him.

"It's me," He managed to force out, a distinct French accent marring the words. "It's me, Merlin." He pleaded with his eyes, knowing those were probably the only aspect of his appearance he could hope to recognise.

"Merlin?" Leon huffed, clearly not believing him. "I recognise a French accent when I hear one."

"It's true." Merlin urged, doing his best to get rid of the accent. "I've been living in the Kingdom of France for the last four years."

"Prove it." He removed the spear, but Merlin could see he was still on guard.

"Gwen once made you were a dress so you could escape from the dungeons after Morgana and Morgause had taken control of the city." He smirked. Gwen had told him that detail one night after they had both had a bit too much wine, a few weeks before her engagement and subsequent exile. "Me and..." He stopped short. He had not said his name in over ten years and he wasn't about to do it now. "I was hiding in a cave with Gaius and the others before we met up and relocated to the abandoned castle." His accent got less and less noticeable as he spoke.

"Merlin?" This time his voice carried an air of wonder. "It's really you." He beamed.

"It's really me." Merlin beamed back, engulfing his old friend in a hug.

"Let me take you to Gaius." Leon turned serious the minute they broke apart and Merlin followed him closely as they walked to the Physician's chamber.

It felt like going back in time, walking up the familiar stairs and towards the rickety wooden door that separated their chambers from the rest of the castle.

He opened the door with a wary hand, his eyes immediately landing on the form lying on the cot by the fire. Gaius.

Gwen was sitting beside him on a stool, her head bowed and her hands clasped in her lap, a single tear marking its path from her eye and down her cheek. She looked up as he closed the door behind him, Leon deciding to stay outside.

"Merlin?" She looked at him with a mix of confusion, happiness, and sorrow. "Is it really you?"

"It's me." Merlin nodded, dropping his backpack at the bench.

"You..." She stood up on shaky legs. "You look so different." She sniffed.

"Nah," He shook his head with a grin. "It's just the beard." He laughed, he was so happy to see her again. She let out a laugh of her own before running into his open arms. He lifted her up and spun her around before setting her down again. "You look different though." He said and traced a lock of grey hair behind her ear. "But still beautiful." He smiled.

"I was afraid you wouldn't get my letter in time." She took his hand in hers.

"Me to," He confessed. "How is he?" He looked over at the sleeping form of his mentor and father.

"Alwyn says he won't last the night." She sniffed again and gripped his hand harder.

"Alwyn?" Merlin questioned, not recognising the name.

"Our new Court Physician." She clarified. "He studied under Gaius when you left. He took over the position completely last year."

Merlin let go of her hand so he could walk over to Gaius. He kneeled beside the cot and took his old wrinkled hand in his own. He looked so old, his face almost too wrinkled to recognise.

A hot tear slipped out from his eye but he didn't bother to wipe it off. He had had some contact with Gaius over the years, but the danger with the written word was that you didn't notice age. And Gaius, as stubborn as he was, had failed to mention his declining health.

Had he said something in his last letter a couple of months ago, he would have had weeks with the old man. Now it seemed like he would only have a few hours.

He sat beside him all night, Gwen reclaimed her stool. He told her and Gaius about his travels and all the people he had met. He showed Gwen his notes of the different languages he had learnt, as well as the different dialects belonging to them. He also showed her his notes on magic, now that the ban had been lifted.

The news had reached him a few months after he had arrived in France, and he had celebrated with a group of villagers he was staying with at the time. That was the night he had lost his innocence in a way he had never thought he would be happy enough to do. Not after Freya.

He promised Gwen to make copies for the Court Sorcerer and Sorceress, twins, a man and a woman not older than twenty five summers, but already well versed in the art of magic, having grown up with druids.

Gaius passed away just before sunset, and after saying his goodbye to the old man Merlin stood up and walked into his old room. It looked the same, except for the clothes strewn across the bed. It wasn't his any more; instead they belonged to the new Physician, Alwyn.

He spent the morning getting rid of the beard and cutting his hair, he wanted to look presentable during the funeral that was to take place that afternoon. He changed his French attire to Celtic ones, the rough material itching his skin, but he couldn't care less. All that mattered was Gaius.

The funeral was a sombre affair. He stood beside Gwen during the whole process, holding her hand when he needed the strength, or when she needed the comfort.

He noticed the looks he was receiving from the people, and he heard muttered words as 'Not changed at all', or 'Not a day older'. He knew he had stopped ageing when he had lived one year in France. It hadn't come as a surprise. After Camlann his magic had been stronger, and he could feel the rejuvenating powers in it.

He was glad neither Gwen or Percival or Leon had mentioned it. Though he knew they had noticed as well.

He left that night, when everyone was asleep except for the guards. He didn't want to go through another round of goodbyes.

Instead of heading back to France, he made his way to the lake. A small village had been built a few miles away and he decided to stay there for a few weeks before moving on.

He ended up staying for three months, falling in love with the barkeeps daughter. He had never imagined he would ever fall for someone again, especially when he was as broken as he was, but couldn't make himself regret it.

It wasn't until he received news about his mother that he told her who he really was. She accompanied him to Ealdor to take farewell of his mother, as well as getting her blessing for his new love.

She helped him through his grief; he even opened up about Arthur for the first time in over ten years.

After two months of courting, and after telling her who he really was, he asked for her hand in marriage. They shared a few years together, happy in their own little haven. They tried to conceive children, but it was a difficult task. Until one day.

They were excited of the prospect of becoming parents, but when the day came when they would meet their son or daughter for the first time, everything went to hell.

He tried all he could, every possible spell in his repertoire, but it was no use. She died of childbirth three years after their marriage, the child dying along with her. He wowed never to have another child after that, no matter what.

He was catatonic for a while after that, the only people able to come through to him were her parents and brother. He didn't grieve, the action was too painful. Instead when he was coherent enough he decided to build himself a cottage closer to the lake. He wanted to be closer to her family, as well as having his own private space.

The only family he had left was hers, and as lovely as they were and as much as they loved him as their own son, he couldn't stay with them any more. He still visited once a week though, but they never knew him like she had.

They never knew about his inability to age, so he was forced to use an ageing spell every time he visited them. Soon he became an expert in that particularly brand of magic.

It was two years after her death that he started visiting the Crystal cave. He had gone by with only a crystal the last fifteen years, but he knew he needed more than that if he wanted to be able to stay ahead of coming events.

Time flowed differently in there, and he ended up sometimes staying several weeks. He mostly saw the past or current events he knew weren't worth changing.

It was after twenty years; her parents were long dead and her brother had moved on with his own family over ten years ago, and he was completely alone; that he saw the downfall of Camelot.

Gwen had become ill with an incurable sickness and he could see that after her death in a few weeks, Camelot would fall into a downtrodden spiral. The Lords would battle over who should take over the control and eventually the great castle would crumble to dust.

He tried to find ways to prevent it, but nothing he did would work. He wouldn't even be able to save Gwen so he didn't bother going to her. He already said goodbye to enough people and he preferred to leave them before he could witness their death. That way they would always be alive in his mind's eye.

It took two years for the vision to come true, and when the white castle finally lost its last battle, all the loss he had experienced in the last thirty-six years became too much and he decided he didn't want to be a part of it any more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't add any specific events on purpose, mostly because not much happens during this time in France or Britain, not until Hogwarts and the Norman invasion around the first millennium, but also because this one-shot was more about how Merlin got to live in the cottage in the first place.
> 
> I hope it wasn't too angsty.
> 
> Have a great week and keep a look out for my new Doctor Who story in a few weeks.


	3. The Forgotten Love Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot will depict Merlin's life with his wife, how they met and how she died etc. So I hope you aren't too upset at me for pushing the next part of his life to the next update but I felt that this needed to be told just so you will understand his later relationships in the story.

**The Forgotten Love Story**

She was the first person he saw when he walked into the tavern that evening, hoping to rent a room for a few weeks before he headed out again. She was working behind the bar and Merlin thought nothing of it, after all, it was common practise for the sons and daughters of the owner to help where they could.

"Good evening." She gave him a warm smile when he approached, and he gave her a weak one back, only out of politeness.

He never looked at her twice as he got his key and walked up the stairs to his newly required room. If someone had asked him what colour hair she had, he wouldn't be able to guess.

He left early in the mornings and came back late in the evenings, having spent his whole days by the lake. She was working behind the bar every time he came back, and every time she greeted him with a smile and a hello. He never responded with more than a nod of his head.

It wasn't until the fifth evening that their routine changed. It was a Sunday, a slow day for a tavern, and she was the only one there when he came in.

"Would you like a cup of wine?" He question threw him off course and he stopped, frozen to the spot as his brain processed her words.

"Ehm..." He looked at her, really looked at her for the first time. She couldn't have been older than seventeen, her blond hair falling in waves down her back and her blue eyes filled with innocence. Too young to have experienced the devastating forces of war and battle. The smile she was giving him was almost too much. It was too nice and welcoming. He didn't deserve it. "Sure." He said slowly, walking up to the bar and sitting down on one of the stools.

"I'm Enid." She handed him a cup filled with sweet red wine.

"Merlin." He took the cup form her, still wary and suspicious.

He didn't speak much that first time, she did all the talking. Telling him about her brother and her love for birds and how she wished she would one day be able to fly. She even told him how she wished to see a dragon one day. It brought back memories of Aithusa and he wondered for the hundredth times if she was okay. He had tried calling for her but she never answered.

After that evening, every time they ended up alone she would offer him a cup of wine and he would accept. By the fourth time he started sharing stories about himself as well. Stories from his childhood in Ealdor and his friend Will, he wasn't ready to tell her about Camelot yet.

It was after little more than a month that he started to look forwards to their meetings, but it took almost another two for him to realise he had fallen in love with her.

He talked to her father, asking for his permission to court her, and he gladly agreed. For not only had Merlin gotten to know Enid over the last three months, he had also become good friends with her family.

For their first real date, he took her to a secluded spot in the forest, full of wild flowers. They had a picnic and then just lay on their blanket, staring up at the blue sky pointing out different shapes of the clouds. For the first time in since Arthur died, he was in a total bliss.

It only lasted a week, and then he got word that his mother had fallen ill.

Knowing it would be his last chance to ask for his mother's blessing, he wanted Enid to know who he really was before they took thing further. It wouldn't be fair to her otherwise. So that same night he told her everything. He even told her about his magic and his inability to age.

She was more concerned about his magic than his age, magic had been legal for over four years now, but it would take a long time for people to get over their fear and preconceptions. That wasn't to say she weren't shocked to hear his real age was thirty-six, since he didn't look a day over twenty-six, but for her that was just a number. Like his magic, she loved him too much to judge him for something he couldn't control.

It was after they came back from Ealdor that he told her about Arthur's last days. That was the first time he had really let himself grief and it was a heavy burden that left his shoulders that day.

She told him a few days after that he seemed more carefree and happy, and he had no reason to disagree. He still missed Arthur and Gaius and his life in Camelot, but it was no longer at the forefront of his mind every time he allowed himself to relax. She had taken their place.

Enid had asked him if he wanted to send an invitation to Gwen and his knight friends for their bonding ceremony, but he had declined. His life with them was over and it was better to leave his past in the past. So when the day arrived, he stood alone, but looking out over the gathered people from the village, he knew he had gained a new and bigger family.

They both wanted children but it was a hard affair. Merlin faired that one of them were unable to conceive, so he spent weeks finding a spell so he could find out for sure. It came back negative. So they just had to keep on trying.

It took little more than two years. Sure they had a lot of fun together during that time, but the day they found out they would be parents were the happiest in their lives. Merlin was so happy he almost sent a letter to Gwen to give her the happy news, but he stopped himself at the last minute.

The pregnancy was no different from any other Merlin had witnessed while working for Gaius, even the town physician found no cause for worries. So when Enid was in her eight month, one week away from her ninth, and she began to develop pain in her stomach, they both thought it was time for the baby to arrive.

That's not what was happening. Something had ruptured inside of her and she was bleeding internally. By the time they realised that though, it was too late; she had lost too much blood.

Merlin tried every healing spell he knew but none worked, she was too far gone. For a second he contemplated using the cup, but he didn't want to have the power over life and death again, no matter the circumstances.

They tried to save the baby, a girl it turned out to be, but she had been deprived of oxygen for too long so she was already dead when they took her out.

He named her Aderyn, meaning bird.

"Merlin?" Edin's voice was so weak, it was a wonder she was able to form a coherent word.

"Ssh," He took her cold hand in his. "Don't talk." He stroked his free hand over her clammy forehead; her face was pale as snow.

"I... love...you." She managed to push out before her last breath escaped her and her eyes closed for the final time, hiding her baby blues.

"I love you too." He kisses her forehead, hot tears falling down on her but he wiped them away.

They were put in the same grave, as was the custom of the new religion she and her family had been following, instead of being burned on a funeral pyre. In a way, he was thankful because it meant he had a place to come visit them when he needed to.

He visited once a week after he had built his cottage, using her to went out his grief and anger. He always apologised afterwards.

The last time he visited was the day before he left for the cave. When he returned to the cottage twenty-two years later, the village had grown into a small town and her grave was lost amongst so many others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it wasn't too angsty and please leave a review if you want to know more information about her or her family.
> 
> The name Aderyn was taken from a list of old welsh names and it does actually means bird, which was as a memory to Edin's love for the feathery creatures.
> 
> Have a great week =D


	4. Taking the Leap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday, since I do try and update every second Tuesday, but I was away the entire day with my sister and since I write these shots on the same day as I upload them, I didn't have time to write anything yesterday.
> 
> WARNING; mentions of suicide and depression.
> 
> Not Beta:ed

**Taking the Leap**

He stopped counting after fifty years. Fifty years after Camelot fell and he hadn't left his cottage for more than a few hours at the time. As the years went on, more timed passed between each time. Now he only left to get something to eat every two or three weeks. There was no use in trying anymore.

The first time he tried to stop everything was only a few weeks after the fall.

It took him days to reach his destination, a high cliff-face where were you to look down, you wouldn't be able to see the bottom. He thought it a fitting place to end his unnaturally long life and instead wait for Arthur on the other side. Maybe he would see Enid there, but he doubted it. She had never possessed magic.

The wind blew from behind, blowing his long and unkempt hair onto his face, momentarily blinding him from the sight below.

Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes and took one step forward, feeling nothing under his foot as he put it down. The feeling unbalanced him and he fell forward without trying to recover his balance.

He opened his eyes as he fell, the wind blowing his hair behind him and soothing his aching face. His long tousled beard whipped at his cheeks but he couldn't be bothered.

Too early for his liking he saw the bottom of the ravine, filled with large boulders and pointy rocks. Closing his eyes again he embraced himself for the impact.

It hurt less then he thought it would. He could feel his bones breaking, but it was a numbing feeling. Maybe it had to do with hitting his head quite hard onto a rock. The resounding crack was the last thing he heard before every sound turned into an annoying buzz.

His vision was the next thing to go; black spots danced before his eyes and every little rock and stone were nothing more than a blurry blob in front of them.

Releasing his last breath he succumbed to the darkness. It was more than he could have ever imagined. He couldn't feel anything, emotional or physical. He just was and at the same time, he wasn't. He was nothing.

He didn't know how long he was under the darkness, but when his eyes started to flutter open against his will, he could see the stars high above him. It was night.

The second thing he noticed was that he could move his arms and legs again. His spine was healed as was his head. He could hear sound again and the blurriness had disappeared. He was completely healed.

That was the first time.

He made his second attempt a few weeks after that.

It was not that he thought he would get a different result, it was just that the few hours of nothingness was so tempting and he was loathed to resist. It was the only time he could escape his demons and the pain that resided deep within his heart and mind.

By the time he reached the second half of the century, he had lost count of how many times he had tried to end his life. Twenty more years and he was unable to recount for more than the first five times before it all became a blur. He decided that it was no longer any use to even try and keep track. Not that he had been able to do it for a long while anyway, but this time it was his own choice.

He did try and focus on the passing of time again and he knew that he had passed into a new century. The third one he had been alive for. He must be well over a hundred by now, maybe even closer to two. Not that it mattered.

He never left his cottage other than making another attempt or getting some food. More often than not he only left to try again. He hadn't eaten properly for years. Not since he discovered that he would just come back to life if he died of starvation.

Had his friends seen him now they wouldn't have recognised him. His hair and beard was so long it fell down to the ground when he walked. It was dirty and unkempt, not having seen a brush for well over a century.

His clothes were tattered and barely stayed on his too thin frame. He wasn't even sure if he still wore clothes or if it was just layers after layers of dirt covering his body.

All of his fat was gone and he was left with pointy bones and unnaturally toned muscles for a man on the brink of starvation. Try as he might, he couldn't lose them. In a way he was thankful because it meant he was still able to move around. In another way he hated it, because it meant he could still move around.

The only two attempts he remembered were his first one and his last one.

His last attempt happened well into his fourth century. He was closer to three hundred now.

He remembered standing at the edge of a waterfall. The highest one and most violent one he could find in Albion. He had walked for weeks just to find the right one. He didn't even know if he had walked north or south. He had just walked.

It was fitting in a way, that his last attempt would resemble his first one in such a way.

He woke up on the riverbank several hours later, for the first time in many many years he was clean from the dirt. It turned out that he was wearing clothes after all. Not that it made any difference.

" _Merlin?_ " A disembodied voice resounded inside his head and for a moment he thought he had lost it enough to go insane. But no.

He lifted his head and his eyes landed on a very large and a very white snout. He jolted back with a yelp, the first sound he had made for who knew how long. He was surprised he had even managed to make a sound.

" _Merlin, it's me._ " The voice sounded again, and the large snout moved back.

Blinking a few times, Merlin was finally coherent enough to take in the big object in front of him. The last time he had seen her she hadn't been bigger than a small horse. Now she towered over him larger than a building.

Aithusa had grown up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know it was a short one, only 1000 words, but I just felt it was the right place to cut it. I could have gone on about the different attempts but I feel that is something better left for the imagination. Our mind do have a knack for coming up with scenarios way better than we can find in a story.
> 
> I did plan on having the conversation with Aithusa in this one, but that will instead be a separate shot which will mostly consist of dialouge, but I think it is the better choice. Otherwise it would just take away from the angst in this one.
> 
> For those of you that are interested, if nothing happens, I will start posting my Doctor Who fic on Monday and then every other Monday on the weeks when I don't post this one, so there will be a update every week from now on even if it's two different stories =D. It is a Eleven/Rose story that will take place from season six and forward. So it's a rewrite but with original adventures in between the episodes. It's also my first Doctor Who fic so I have no idea if it will be any good but we'll see ;)
> 
> Have a great week and Walpurgis night on Saturday. Light many fires =P


	5. Reunited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry but this is a very short chapter, but since it's technically one-shots, I figured I was allowed to do one this short. Not to try and make excuses, but I've been up since six after only 5-4 hours of sleep and then away for five hours on a lecture (which was fun but you get tired sitting down for three hours), and the next update will involve more plot and detail so... It's basically a filler chapter but it works better alone than together with the next step in the story.

**Reunited**

"Ai-aithusa?" He croaked out. He was surprised his voice even worked, he hadn't used it in so long.

" _It's me, Merlin._ " She lay down on the ground so her head was level with his body, her big yellow eyes boring into his.

"Where have you been?" He took a step back, the water soaking his shredded shoes. "I called for you." He cried out, feeling the anger seeping in. It was a welcoming feeling because he had lacked emotions for so long he had forgotten how it felt like.

" _I'm sorry, Merlin._ " Aithusa averted her gaze. " _I heard you, but I wasn't ready to come._ "

"I thought a dragon couldn't refuse a Dragonlord." Merlin said, glaring at the large beast in front of him, his shaggy hair obscuring his vision somewhat.

" _We can't, but you never told me when to come._ "

"Always with the technicalities," He muttered, turning around so he could sit down on the sand.

" _What happened to you, Merlin?_ " He could feel she slight shake in the ground as she shifted her body so her head now lay beside him. " _I can barely recognise you._ "

"Life happened." He picked up a stone and threw it out into the river. "Or death is more accurate." He sighed. "Camelot fell and I... I couldn't take it anymore."

" _When was the last time you spoke to someone?_ "

"Don't know." He shook his head. "It's been so long... I lost count after a hundred years."

" _Why did I find you on the side of a riverbank?_ " She asked softly, like she already knew the answer.

"It's a long story." He took in a deep breath and turned his head to meet her gaze.

" _We have time._ " Was all she said, and after taking another deep breath, Merlin told her everything that had happened since the battle at Camlann.

The first word that came to mind when he was finished was, liberated. The heavy burden of Emrys was lifting from his shoulders and transferred to Aithusa's strong ones. She helped him see how important it was to share and be honest, something he wished he had been more back at Camelot. Maybe things would have turned out differently if he had just told Arthur and Morgana the truth from the beginning.

They probably sat there for days before he was finished, and they both decided it was time to take a look around.

Upon Aithusa's back, Merlin realised that they were in the north, he recognised part of the landscape from the last time he had been there, but so much had changed. Villages had popped up here and there, and far in the distance they could see the foundation of a castle being built.

Aithusa put him down a short distance from the closest village from the castle, and with a quick nod of thanks, he put on his invincibility cloak.

He had created the cloak while in one of the druid camps right after he left Camelot the first time, and it was the only object he always made sure to carry with him in a pouch around his neck. It was just easier to use it than to hold up a spell.

It took him half an hour to reach the village. It was one of the smaller ones, only consisting of one main road, with the business buildings lining it.

One of the things he had noticed the last few hundred years since Camelot's fall, was the increasing unbalance between magic users and mundane, so he was quite surprised when he discovered the abundance of residual magic in the building and the ground. It was like they had soaking up the magic for decades.

He walked till the end of the road until he was met with a large iron gate. Using magic, he opened it and slipped through, walking up the small hill so he could see the landscape around him.

There was a large lake on the far side and a mountain and a forest on the other two sides. In the middle of it lay the beginning of a castle, a large one if he was to go with the general layout.

He wanted to take a closer look but decided it would be easier to find out more if he infiltrated the villagers first. So he made his way back to Aithusa and tucked his cloak back into the pouch.

"The entire place is drenched with magic." He told her. "I think I'll stay here for a while and see if I can figure out what's going on."

" _Maybe you should consider a haircut first._ " She said and if dragons could smirk, she was definitely doing it.

"Hmm," He looked down at his long tousled beard and hair. "Probably for the best." He admitted.

" _What's the name of the village?_ " Aithusa asked as he started to use magic to cut all the hair of.

"Ehm," He scratched the back of his head. "It was something weird... Hogsmead I think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it wasn't too disappointing. I could have written down the entire conversation between Merlin and Aithusa but it would juts be repeating the former chapters and that's just boring.
> 
> Please don't think that Merlin is out of his funk just because he decided to travelling a bit with Aithusa and investigating this mysterious building, he's just alive and happy enough to have someone to talk to that he felt the need to do something. He will still have his bad days and it will take a long while for him to start caring again. Both for others and for himself.
> 
> Have a great week and don't forget to watch Eurovision on Saturday, and feel free to check out my new Doctor Who story (I promise, this will be the last time I nag you about it.) =D


	6. The Founding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with me and I hope you'll like this chapter =)

**The Founding**

It didn't take him long to infiltrate himself as a new settler in the small village, claiming he was seeking refuge to practise magic in peace. No one seemed to bat an eye at his claim to be a sorcerer which only made his confusion grow even more, and concerned that a refuge was even needed.

On his first night there he made his way to the local tavern, knowing it was the best place to gain information.

His thought drifted briefly towards Enid as he took in the similar surroundings to the tavern her father had owned oh so many years ago. It must have been at least three hundred years since she died and yet it still hurt as acutely as it had done that awful day.

Pressing the memories to the furthers recesses of his mind, he took a seat at an empty table after ordering himself a goblet of mead to wash down the bitterness he still felt.

"...an' I told 'im, if yeh want the bloody egg yeh better pay up." A large and burly looking man with a massive red beard and hair slammed his fist down on the wooden table so the content of his goblet almost spilled by the impact.

"Did he then?" A scrawny weasel looking fellow asked, leaning forward on his elbows towards the man, not caring his tunic got soaked from spilled mead and beer.

"'Course he did." The large man laughed. "No one can resist a dragon's egg."

Merlin had done his best not to eavesdrop but with the mentions of a dragon's egg, all pretence was forgotten. He had searched every book he could come across during his travels before Gaius' death and nowhere did he find a hint of another egg, so how come this man had one?

He was about to stand up and go over to the man and ask him, but just then the door to the tavern opened and two gravely looking men came inside, both wearing expensive looking clothes and robes, and carried themselves with authority, like they were above all else.

"Look who the cat dragged in." The burly man stood up, almost knocking the table down with his massive stomach. "If it isn' our esteem lords themselves who bother gracing us with their presence."

"We're not here looking for a fight, Tormund." One of the men said, his red beard equal that of Tormund's.

"Then perhaps yeh should 'ave sent down yer lady friends instead." Tormund let out a deep laugh, soon followed by the majority of the other residents in the building.

"Maybe we should have stayed at the castle." The other man said, his bald head slightly reflecting the candles on the chandelier above him.

"Nonsense, Salazar." The red headed man said, not taking his eyes of off Tormund. "I'm sure there's room for us to."

"Yeh can sit in my lap if you want." Another man called out somewhere in the back, too hidden behind other men for Merlin to see properly. It evoked another round of laughter and Merlin could see the man called Salazar growing more and more red.

"This was a bad idea, Godric." He bit out through his clenched jaw. "I'm going back." Without waiting for the man named Godric to respond, Salazar exited the tavern as quickly as they had entered.

Godric sent one last glare at Tormund, who still stood up, before following after his friend with a flare of his robe. The whole tavern broke out into laughter yet again as the door closed after him, which then died down into muffled conversation as if nothing had happened.

"Excuse me?" Merlin waved over the plump looking barmaid as she walked past his table on the way to the bar with an empty tray. "This may seem like a stupid question, but who where they? Those two men."

"That my lad," She leaned down towards him, showing him a bit more than he would have liked. "Was Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin, the founders of the first Wizarding School."

"Wizarding School?" To say he was surprised would have been an understatement.

"Well," She tilted her head. "Most of the lads here think it's just a waste of time, but only time will tell I guess." She shrugged and picked up his empty goblet. "I'll bring you another one."

"Yeah, ehm..." He shook his head. "Thanks." He gave her a short smile as she walked away.

A Wizarding school. It certainly explained why the whole place was drenched in magic. Without waiting for the barmaid to return with his refill, he stood up and quickly exited the tavern. He needed to tell Aithusa what he had just found out.

* * *

Merlin decided to stick around for a while until the school was finished, just to make sure everything was as it should be and all the wards worked.

He never made direct contact with the four founders, but he used his cloak often to sneak into the closed of grounds and take a look around the castle.

It was almost two years later that the school was finally finished, during which time Merlin had earned his place at Hogsmead as one of the better renowned potions maker there. His time with Gaius still strong in his memories and now he could also use magic to help the potions on, which greatly attributed to his cure of a deadly disease that hit the village a few months after he moved there.

He had created an alias for himself, having discovered as early as his second day that his name had gone from just being the name of a bird, to being the name of the most powerful sorcerer out there, and he was currently living in the flat beside Merlin.

The man's name was originally Eugene, but it had taken Merlin quite some time to force the truth out of him, coming up with his own concoction of a truth serum. He had tried to expose him, but he had been thrown out of the village because of it. The only reason he had been allowed to return was because they needed his help with a new disease a short while after.

Deciding it was better to just let the man continue his facade, he instead created a curse to prevent anyone else to use his name in the future. Especially his other name, Emrys.

Living like that without having to worry about protecting anyone and just being able to do his own thing greatly helped him grow out of his depression. It would still hit from time to time, in which he would spend his day locked up in his flat without allowing any visitors, but they got more and more sparse.

Sometime he would take a small trip with Aithusa just to see the world, and after having asked her about the dragon's egg, he discovered that she had created a brand new line of dragons in her absence thanks to breeding with wyverns.

Usually she would stay out of his affairs while he was at Hogsmead, preferring to keep her distance from humans, but she had quickly taken a liking to the great lake situated near the castle and would often take her afternoon naps there.

An incident with Godric Gryffindor had helped create the motto of the school and after that she decided to stay away for good, only coming when Merlin called.

So, almost two years after he discovered the small village, Merlin walked the empty halls of the newly built Hogwarts, strengthening the wards where it was needed and putting up some new ones as well.

He had already decided to leave the next day before the students arrived, feeling the need to move on, but he decided to do one last bit of work on the castle as a parting gift to the children, and so he created a room that would protect anyone who needed it; a place where they could hide if they ever felt the need to, or just a place to have some fun without the teachers knowing.

And so the Room of Requirement was created.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so Hogwarts is founded and Merlin has finally started to become a person again.
> 
> It was fun writing this chapter and if it wasn't for the fact that it's only supposed to be one-shots and I have so much else to write about, I would have gladly dragged this out over several chapters. There wouldn't have been much things happening, but even writing those short sentences with the founders was really fun and I would have gladly written more. Also, Eugene might have been fun to write to. Well, who knows, perhaps I'll do a third story after this one that will take place during these two years.
> 
> I also made a GoT reference in this one, kudos to everyone who spotted it. Also, while we're on the subject. Who saw the latest episode. Mind-blown, is all I'm gonna say.
> 
> Have a great week everyone =D


	7. The Eye of London

**The Eye of London**

The way south was longer then he remembered, but then again he had been quite out of it when he did the long trek up to the waterfall. It also helped that he had flown on Aithusa's back the last bit. She wasn't here now though, having decided to stay behind and keep an eye on the school.

Merlin looked at the wand in his hand, feeling the magic pulsing through it as he cast a silent spell to ward of his camp. He loathed the thing, remembering having laughed at the druids that had first created them a very long time ago now. Several lifetimes in fact. It was all starting to blur together and he had more and more trouble keeping everything apart.

He never thought he would see another wand again, but arriving in Hogsmead had shown him how wrong he had been. The Old Magic had slowly been drained from the earth since Arthur's death, and now only a few were strong enough to wield it without a magical core to channel it through.

It was so rare in fact that, after performing a simple fire spell to light the hearth, the few people left in the tavern had gone completely silent. After that, he decided he needed to create a wand for himself to blend in.

Kilgarrah had granted him a scale from his skin the day he died. He had visited Merlin while he was in the cave, sending a message to him through the crystals to come and see him by the White Mountains. He was the last sentient being he had talked to before Aithusa had found him again.

He created the wand from a simple sapling of an Elder tree that he then infused with the scale. It was probably the most powerful wand out there, but it still wasn't enough to channel his magic completely. It felt restricting and violating, but it was the only way for him to blend in.

Looking at it now he realised he no longer had use for it. At least not as long as he stayed out of the way from other magic users, so he quickly tossed it down in his satchel and completed the wards without it.

* * *

It took him a month to reach his cottage by the lake, in which time he had learnt that the world was very different from the one he grew up in.

Even though the witches and wizards, as they liked to call themselves nowadays, still held on to the old traditions and costumes of old, the mundanes didn't.

They had evolved far beyond their lost brothers and sisters, having to rely on science to survive, and so they adapted. Their way of living far surpassed them in way of community and politics. Even their medicine was on its way to become just as good as a simple spell.

Merlin loved it.

He had immensely enjoyed living in Hogsmead, being able to practise magic without prosecution, but they way of the mundanes appealed him more.

They were creating a society built on knowledge and hard work. They weren't afraid to explore new worlds or discover new ways to wield a sword.

There had existed schools back when he was young, but nothing like they were now.

He had decided that he would gather all his things from the cottage and move to the ever growing city of London, from which he had heard tales during the last months that it was the best place to be if you wanted to be a direct part of the evolution. Though it was currently being occupied by some Danish Vikings, but the city was large enough to be safe in.

* * *

Before leaving his childhood home for good he ventured back to the crystal cave where he picked up a loose crystal and put it in his satchel in case he would need it. That's when he noticed a small section of completely black crystals. How he hadn't noticed them before was beyond him, but now he felt more drawn to them then he had ever been to a crystal since the first time he laid eyes on the crystal of Neahtid.

They were filled with powerful magic, different from the other crystals but still the same. It felt like they were filled with the power of life and death.

He picked up a small stone, no bigger than a pebble, and the moment it touched his skin he could feel how it drained him. It was sucking the energy out of him but he refused to drop it. Partly because he knew he couldn't die either way, but mostly because he could feel the potential in the stone.

With this stone he would be able to bring back the ones who were dead.

* * *

Sitting on the cot in his house on the outskirts of London, Merlin once again studied the black crystal in his hand.

It had taken quite a lot of work but he had managed to harness the power in it to prevent it from taking life, only giving it.

Of course he knew it would never be powerful enough to bring someone back completely, but perhaps it was still enough just to be able to see a glimpse of the ones he had loved and lost. Perhaps it would help fill in the hole in his chest and make him feel whole again.

As he tended to do every day after waking up and picking up the stone, he sighed and put it back down on his bedside table to got ready for another day in school. One more year and he would earn the right to call himself a true physician, or as they new word going around was, a doctor.

He had lived in London for close to a decade now, having built himself a two story house filled with the latest inventions to make life as easy as possible, added with a little magic to make it bigger on the inside as well as to protect him from unwanted visitors.

It had taken a few trips but he had eventually managed to bring all the artefacts and personal belongings he had taken from Camelot as he left and later when it fell, to the house and down into the basement where he set up them all up to protect them from the wear and tear of time.

While living in Hogsmead he had taken up the routine of training with a sword again, mostly because of Tormund who insisted he needed to grow some muscles on his skinny body, and so the two of them often spared in the early morning hours. It was a routine he didn't want to give up and so he built a sparring room in the basement so he could keep his techniques fresh.

Unfortunately, it was a skill he was forced to use on an almost daily basis to fight of unruly Viking or just plain drunks who didn't have the mindset not to pick a fight.

In 1066 though, he felt inclined to use his skills in a much more deadly way since after the death of King Edward, he decided to fight in the first battle since Camlann to prevent the Norsemen to completely take over his new home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it and that you got the reference the stone Merlin found was the Resurrection stone, and the wand was the Elder wand. He now has all three hallows so all that is left is for him to meet the brother in a few chapters =D
> 
> I'm starting a new job in almost two weeks, on Monday the 20th, which is the day before I'm supposed to update this next time, so I'm not sure if I will be able to. I will work all summer up till the end of September and I have no idea how much free time or energy I will have. I'm also moving quite far away for this job so just that will take a lot out of me. Hopefully I will get a few chapters out but I don't think I will be able to keep up the two week update schedule.
> 
> I hope it won't be too much of a problem for you and that you'll stay with me for the times I do update =)
> 
> Have a great week.


	8. A Ghost in the Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not updating in ten month. My only excuse is that I've been so busy. First with my new job over the summer, and then I went directly from that one to school so my days have been busy non-stop since June last year. During this time I have decided to focus my limited time to write on my Doctor Who story but I don't want this one to go to waste so I'm gonna try and update more often, or at least once every month at least, but still no promises. I have acquired a tablet thought and ads soon as I get my keyboard I will start writing on that one instead during me free periods in school etc. So hopefully I will be able to keep up with one update per month.
> 
> Again, I'm so sorry for the long wait, especially since this chapter is so short, but I just wanted it out there.
> 
> I think I've answered all review on PMs instead, but if I have missed one, please let me know.
> 
> No Beta

**A Ghost in the Battle**

"He popped up from nowhere." The hardened soldier told him.

"Yes," Another soldier nodded along, this was a bit taller and more willowy than the other who was sturdier, but just as hardened. "It was like a whirlwind. One moment nothing, and the next the wind picked up and when it settled again, there he was."

"Like a ghost." A third soldier chimed in, this one younger than his friends, and a bit more innocent looking, but it hadn't been his first battle. "He was dressed in red."

"The hood obscured his face." The first soldier added, his beard bobbing along with his head.

"Then how do you know it was a man?" Merlin asked in crooked French as he treated the wounds of the injured Normans. He hadn't spoken French in several hundred years, and the language had evolved since then, but he knew enough to be understood and he quickly picked up the changes.

"Because of his voice." The second soldier answered, the other two nodding along.

"His voice?" Merlin frowned.

"It was deep." Soldier number three said. "Too deep to be a woman."

"He said something in words I couldn't make out." The first soldier continued. "The next thing I knew he threw his hands out and I was knocked out."

"The same thing happened to me." The third soldier cut in.

"And me." The second soldier said.

"He must have been fast then, to be able to knock all three of you out like that." Merlin said as he tied the bandage around the third soldier's head.

"It wasn't just us though," The first soldier looked around them to make sure no one was eavesdropping in the makeshift nursery tent. "I've heard rumours and muttering around the camp."

"Me too," Soldier number two added. "Same thing has happened to others..." He leaned forward a bit. "On both sides."

"Really?" Merlin raised his eyebrows in surprise. "So this cloaked man, he was fighting against both sides?"

"Yes." All three said in a chorus.

"But he didn't actually kill anyone." Soldier number three said. "He just knocked them out."

"He was using magic." A fourth soldier said, making the other three jump as they hadn't heard him coming up to them, but they quickly composed themselves. He was younger than all three of them, no more than seventeen, Merlin guessed. He still had the innocence of a child on his face but, Merlin noticed with sadness, it wouldn't be there for much longer because his left arm was tightly bound by the elbow, dried blood evident on the white bandage where the arm had been cut clean with a sword.

"Magic?" The first soldier burst out in a husky laugh. "You're always making up stories, Bertran."

"It's true, Asce." He came around to stand in front of them; all three stopped laughing when they noticed his arm. "I was already down when I saw him arrive. He never touched anyone, just stretched out his hands and a wind knocked you down. But that's not all," He swallowed once. "His eyes were glowing when he did it."

"Excuse me," Merlin stood up. "I need to attend to other patients." He smiled and left the four of them behind without waiting for a response. He didn't want Bertran to recognise him.

The battle had been a long one, and Merlin had done his best to make the casualties as few as possible. He didn't care who was fighting for whom, he just needed it to stop.

* * *

A few weeks after the battle, Merlin decided to travel. Albion was too much in disarray for his liking at the moment, and he felt the need to broaden his skills and knowledge.

So he travelled East to learn medicine from the tribes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the shortness of the chapter but I hope it will satisfy you somewhat until I can write the next one which will future a few paragraph of Merlin when he is in Africa and then Asia, and then the rest will be of his encounter with the crusades.
> 
> Have a great week everyone =)


	9. The Journey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a dark chapter, but I wanted to write it the way thing actually were a thousand years ago. Sure, I'm no expert on the country in question, but more the overall way things were handled back then. I also needed a reason for Merlin to move on because in the next chapter it's the Crusades =)

**The Journey**

Merlin left London behind after the invasion was over. It had been a long time since he had seen the horrors of war and he needed time to come back from it. He wasn't as strong as he used to be.

So Merlin travelled East, to places he had never been before, with just a meagre backpack on his back that held his most essential possessions like an empty notebook and a set of clothes. He had left his sidhe staff, magic book and other artefacts at home because he felt that he needed to start fresh. Learn things from the beginning.

He had met a wizard in Hogsmead that had come from a place Merlin had never heard of before but that was full of practioners of the old ways. Not just magic, but herbal remedies and meditation as well.

So East it was.

He walked for along time, not wanting to rush things by transporting. He wanted to see and experience the different cultures on his way there, which he did.

By the time he reached the coast of the Caspian Sea, his notebook was already full, along with three others. It had taken him three years to come this far.

He started his fifth book as he came upon a tribe of old magic users in Cuman. He stayed there for another year until the longing for more became too much. He still hadn't reach the land of his old friend.

So he kept on walking.

It took him two years to reach the outskirts of the Tibetan kingdom but he was finally there.

Merlin learned more about the old religion after one month in Tibet with the ancient tribes, than he had his entire time in Camelot.

He finally felt like he had found his home in the world.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Master," The young girl bowed her head as she entered his hut. "It's just that the warlord is back and he doesn't look happy."

"It's okay, young one." Merlin's wrinkled old face smiled at the girl, who was no older then ten. "I'll deal with him." He used his cane to stand up, his knees and joints popping from the effort. He truly felt like an old man now.

He had stayed with this particular group of nomads since his arrival 60 years earlier and he had decided from the very beginning to use his magic to keep himself ageing and so he now found himself an 85 year old man, with bad knees and a crappy back. But he was happy. He was content.

That is, if he could only get rid of the resident warlord who had his hideout just down the mountain from were his village was. He was like an irritating bug that kept getting in his face and demanding favour after favour.

The father had been easier to scare away, but the son was stubborn and ruthless. It took all of Merlin's persuasion power to stop him from taking the young men and women to serve him.

"Merlin," The son drawled as he saw Merlin coming out from his hut, his back hunched and his knees stiff. "Took your time."

"My apologies, Dorje," Merlin smiled up at the man who was still positioned on his horse. "My body is ageing faster than my mind these days."

"Spare me the details, old man." Dorje snarled. "What is the meaning of this?" He held up a neatly woven bag.

"Ah," Merlin nodded. "It appears to be a brown bag."

"This is no time for jokes, old man!" Dorje spat. "One of your men send it to me this morning." He threw the bag over to Merlin who caught it easily with his free hand.

Merlin opened the bag and looked at its content, nearly dropping when he saw what was inside it.

"Who did this?" Merlin said, his voice barely louder than a whisper. "Who did this?!" he asked again, this time his voice boomed out over the gathered crowd. No one answered.

"This means war, old man." Dorje said. "Unless you hand over the person responsible."

"I will not do that." Merlin said defiantly. "What has happened here is wrong, and I apologise for your loss, but I will not willingly send one of my own to die at your hands."

"Then I will choose one of my own." Dorje pointed at the little girl who had alerted Merlin to Dorje's arriaval. "She will do."

"No!" Merlin exclaimed at the same time as Gyatso. "I did it." He stepped forward, away from the crowd. "Nyima is innocent. I killed your father."

"Why?" Merlin asked as he shook his head sadly.

"I had heard his men talk, master Merlin." Gyatso answered. "They were going to take her. I had to stop them." A tear fell down his cheek. "She's the only family I have left."

"And now she will have no one." Dorje said and signalled for his men to apprehend him.

Merlin felt torn when he saw Gyatso being taken away. He knew what waited him down the mountain, and it will be easy for him to save him. But could he risk exposing himself to Dorje and his men, and with him the rest of the village who were sorcerers just like him?

The world had changed since he started his journey to the East. Just like in the West, people with magic were being hunted and killed. If he exposed himself now, it would mean for certain that his entire village would be exterminated like vermin.

So he had no choice but to let Dorje take Gyatso with him. It broke his heart, but he had no choice. For the sake of the village, he had to stand down.

* * *

Merlin left that night in silence. Reverted into his young body, Merlin moved smoothly away into the darkness. It was time for him to move on and try and make up for what had happened.

Gyatso wouldn't die, but he would be forced to live the rest of his life as a soldier. Doing the biddings of his new master.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it wasn't too dark for you. I apologise if it was.
> 
> The thing is that I could hve written so much more than just that scene, but since it's just one-shots I can't do more then give you glimpses into Merlin's life up until he arrives at Hogwarts. But I can tell you that in his time in the village, Merlin exceeded his teachers and became the village elder and subsequent their leader. He was also teaching the youngling about magic, that's why they call him master. I'm guessing you could say I've been inspired by Star wars which I've started to rewatch. I'm gonna start with the Clone wars series now. First time for me but I felt I needed to see it since it's canon now.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you have a good May and please, If you hve any suggesions for how you wan't Merlin to react and do during the crusades, please Reviw or PM me =)
> 
> May the force be with you all


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